The Tricia Wyse Story

Chapter 1 Continued...

I then became very promiscuous for about 2 months after that, sleeping with any guy who would have me and then take me home. The only reason I stopped when I did was that I fell 6 feet straight down out of a tractor trailer and broke my ankle. If I hadn't broken my ankle when I did, I would have kept sleeping around for a long time and would possibly have ended up with an STD. I was behaving dangerously and carelessly. I would have given my heart and soul to the first person who pretended to love me, and I did, even if he had been a serial killer and wanted to murder me in my bed, even if he had been diseased with a communicable disease and had transferred that on to me.

I didn't see or feel that I had any worth, so why should I care whether I was alive or not? Both my parents felt and treated me as if I was nothing other than their property and therefore had no real worth in the real world. I was just something to be used, abused and thrown away when everything became too much for my parents to deal with. I carried that feeling over until a few years ago, and even now I have some issues with feeling worthy of being alive, let alone worthy of love. If my grandmother had not been there for me, honestly, I believe that I might have gone down the path of so many others before me and either became addicted to an illegal substance or actually might have succeeded in one of my many suicide attempts.

I do actually thank God every day for my Grandmother. If it hadn't been for her making sure that whenever my father couldn't afford to support us, we would have a place to stay and be able to eat every night, honestly I believe that our family may not have made it. She made sure that I was able to go to Christian school for two years, by paying the tuition for those two years. She also as paid for my school clothes and school supplies every year and whatever class trips needed to be paid for. She did not come from money, and was not wealthy in any way. She worked 12 hours a day in the office at a conservative local company and did everything in her power to make sure that I was reasonably well taken care of.

In order to share and raise your voice against Domestic Violence, please go to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The statistics below are from Darkness to Light

The statistics are shocking

* 1 in 4 girls is sexually abused before the age of 18. (96)
* 1 in 6 boys is sexually abused before the age of 18. (96)
* 1 in 5 children are solicited sexually while on the internet. (30, 87)
* Nearly 70% of all reported sexual assaults (including assaults on adults) occur to children ages 17 and under. (76)
* An estimated 39 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse exist in America today. (1)

Even within the walls of their own homes, children are at risk for sexual abuse

* 30-40% of victims are abused by a family member. (2, 44, 76)
* Another 50% are abused by someone outside of the family whom they know and trust.
* Approximately 40% are abused by older or larger children whom they know. (1, 44)
* Therefore, only 10% are abused by strangers.

Sexual abuse can occur at all ages, probably younger than you think

* The median age for reported abuse is 9 years old. (64)
* More than 20% of children are sexually abused before the age of 8. (76)
* Nearly 50% of all victims of forcible sodomy, sexual assault with an object, and forcible fondling are children under 12. (74, 76)

Most children don't tell even if they have been asked

* Evidence that a child has been sexually abused is not always obvious, and many children do not report that they have been abused.
* Over 30% of victims never disclose the experience to ANYONE.
* Young victims may not recognize their victimization as sexual abuse.
* Almost 80% initially deny abuse or are tentative in disclosing. Of those who do disclose, approximately 75% disclose accidentally. Additionally, of those who do disclose, more than 20% eventually recant even though the abuse occurred.
* Fabricated sexual abuse reports constitute only 1% to 4% of all reported cases. Of these reports, 75% are falsely reported by adults and 25% are reported by children. Children only fabricate ½% of the time.

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The Tricia Wyse Story

Chapter 1

My mother was diagnosed with fibroid tumors when I was 6 or 7, back in 1976 or 1977. The first hospital attempted a hysterectomy; however when they attempted this, she began bleeding profusely due to cervical cancer and was transferred to another hospital. This hospital, Osteopathic Hospital in Philadelphia, decided that they were going to give her radiation treatments and a radiation implant. She spent over a month going back and forth from Conshohocken, PA to City Line Avenue in Philadelphia to Osteopathic Hospital every day for radiation treatments.

From that point on, until I was 16, my mother was in and out of the hospital because Osteopathic Hospital messed her up so badly that she ended up with a colostomy and 3 hernias. They had to move the opening for her colostomy at least 3 additional times and they were never able to close the recto-vaginal fistula and she ended up dying because her cancer returned as skin cancer in her rectal cavity caused by the same virus that caused her cervical cancer. I can remember clearly being 10 years old and my best friend was the little old lady that worked in the gift shop in Montgomery Hospital in Norristown, PA. Every time my father would come out to leave the hospital and after seeing the look on his face, I would be asking how she was doing and he would always tell me that he wasn't sure whether she would make it through the night.

My father was a compulsive cheater and liar, as well as having an abusive streak. He beat on my mother on a regular basis, as well as degrading her and flaunting his many affairs in her face. He was an on-site apartment maintenance man, which meant that the apartment always came with the job. He always ended up finding some female to have an affair with on the property(whichever property we were on at the time) and although he would lie like a rug to my mom, she always found out about the affair.


When I was 13, he started on me. He felt me up from behind in bed, as well as throwing a plate at me and slicing open my elbow. When I told my mom that he felt me up, he insisted that it was an accident, that he thought that it was her and conned her into forgiving him. When I was 15 and on a different property, I had two twin beds in my room. He began sleeping in the other bed because due to my mom's incontinence due to the damage from the radiation. He began slipping into my bed after I was asleep and kissing on my back until I would roll over and then he would attempt to perform oral sex on me even though I was mostly asleep. I never really said anything to my mom because I was enough out of it that I could honestly say that I wasn't really sure that it ever happened.

In the meantime, he would make snide remarks about my weight, hit me on a regular basis and then make the entire family eat whatever he wanted whenever he wanted and still treat mom & I like day-laborers all the way from 9th through 10th grade. That summer when things got really bad, he had me doing part of his apartment maintenance duties during the day and then at night he would berate me for the little mistakes that I made during the day and then after mom went to bed, he would start in on molesting me again.

My mom finally figured out what was going on and decided that we needed to move to get away from him. It took over a year for the apartment to go through; however when it finally did go through, we moved from Northeast Philadelphia, to Columbia, PA. It was a 2 hour drive each way every week in order to see my grandmother or to visit my father. Within 3 months, he got himself fired from the property that he was at and moved himself back in with us in Columbia. He figured out that he was busted, so he decided to leave off of me until the coast was clear, so to speak.

When I was 18, we moved back into the same property that we had been in when we first moved up to Columbia; although we had moved 5 times within 3 years and my father had gone through 5 jobs within that time same time frame. Once we were back on that same property, my father began molesting me again. He then decided to cheat on my mother with a mother of 3 in the next building. All through this I was determined that my father would not take my actual virginity, so every time he tried to penetrate me, I tightened my muscles up enough that he was never able to. I then found some guy who I thought was really old at the time and was a mechanic at the garage across the street from the gas station that I was working at and allowed him to have his way with me in order for someone else to take my virginity.

Pooties and Woozles

Those of you who already either know me or know of me know that I am a massive pootie person. We are currently unable to have a cat, due to living in a motel; however I grew up with both cats & dogs and I love both. I do not discriminate against any animal & love animal photos of all kinds. Please enjoy the following and add any photos that you think the community would like to see. Now, enjoy the photos & have some fun. :)

Am I a bad Democrat??

I keep wondering if I could fall the same way my mother fell & suddenly become a Republican or even worse, am I a bad Democrat? Following are the reasons I ask.

1. I consider myself to be a Feminist; however I do not believe that women need to be given extra privileges to make up for the lack of rights that were ascribed to us in the past. I also should not be made to feel that if I don't follow in the path of NOW that I am not a good Feminist.

2. I am not now, nor have I ever been racist. I was raised not to participate in an interracial relationship, and with the exception of my 1st marriage I have not.

3. I am pro-choice; however I can not see myself making the choice to terminate a pregnancy. You have the right to make that choice for yourself. It is not up to me to decide that you need to carry a pregnancy caused by a rape or molestation to term, especially if it is going to cause you psychological damage.

4. I do believe that there is a God; however I do not believe that He (or She) has been overseeing my life. If God had been, I would not have been through half of everything that I have been.

5. I do believe that every American has the same rights and responsibilities and should not be given extra privileges to make up for past mistakes. If my great-grandparents owned your great-grandparents, I should not have to pay you damages for their sins. I am not talking about things like Equal Opportunity, I am talking about the viability of lawsuits that state that my great-grandparents were slaves; therefore the great-grandchild of the plantation owners are liable.

6. I believe that every American has the same right to health care no matter what your medical history may be. It should not be a case of the poor being forced into the ER for things like the flu.

7. I believe that prostitution should be legalized, as should marijuana. We are, as a nation, wasting all these tax dollars to fight against these minor vices, and for what?? To protect the Puritanical view of our nation.

8. I believe that every citizen has certain responsibilities that coordinate with our rights. For example, if I have the right to vote, I have the responsibility to be informed.

9. I should not be forced to vote a certain way just to prove that I am a Feminist or a Democrat.

10. I believe that we do owe everything to our Armed Forces and the Vets thereof. I believe that we are in an illegal war and that we need to get out ASAP.

11. I believe that we, as a nation, owe certain things to our citizens like care for our Elderly, care for our disadvantaged and care for our ill. No American should be living in poverty beyond their means just because of the corporate society.

12. I believe that every American has the right to choose their own path, not have it forced on them by either society or the Administration.

Knowing this, am I a bad Democrat, confused, or just a normal human being?

Bad Feminist or Not??

I resent the assumption on certain other blogs(feministing.com) that any criticism of Hillary or even, that abortion should not be used as a bargaining chip in an argument with a woman's partner & you are a misogynist pig or a bad feminist.

On Real Time with Bill Maher, he said something about the Many Faces of Hillary & over on feministing.com, you would think that he was a serial killer. I am a feminist & I LIKE BILL MAHER. I know it shouldn't have bothered me like it did, but when it was added to everything else, I went ballistic. Hell, I even like some porn & anyone who knows me well enough knows that I believe that a woman has a right to work in the sex industry & not be treated like a pariah.

My sister-in-law sent me a text message on Monday night, the same night as finding out that she was preggers, stating that she wanted to know how to arrange an abortion. When we talked about it(for about half an hour), she stated that he fiance was not paying her attention and she would not continue the pregnancy under those circumstances. ANYTIME a woman uses the threat of abortion as a bargaining chip to get more attention or whatever IT IS WRONG.

Add to everything else today that I have been having bad dreams about my deceased mother for over 3 weeks and I just can't keep everything mellow and situated any longer. I started to have a breakdown on Daily Kos (http://www.dailykos.com) in Cheers & Jeers today and you will see that I am just about around the bend, I think.

Aching to Touch

Unable to forget
My weaknesses are your strengths
Skin burning to touch skin
Lips yearning to taste lips
Dying inside with every look
Dying inside without you
My weaknesses become your strengths
We've never set ourselves free
I can feel you inside my soul
Aching, burning, yearning, dying, yet
Unable to set me free
Your weaknesses become my strength
My soul aches for you
It is unable to forget
My soul burns to meet yours
As it yearns to be free
My soul dies to feel the strength of our souls
Tangled together
Aching, burning, yearning and
Dying to set each other free

Tricia Anne Wyse