I then became very promiscuous for about 2 months after that, sleeping with any guy who would have me and then take me home. The only reason I stopped when I did was that I fell 6 feet straight down out of a tractor trailer and broke my ankle. If I hadn't broken my ankle when I did, I would have kept sleeping around for a long time and would possibly have ended up with an STD. I was behaving dangerously and carelessly. I would have given my heart and soul to the first person who pretended to love me, and I did, even if he had been a serial killer and wanted to murder me in my bed, even if he had been diseased with a communicable disease and had transferred that on to me.
I didn't see or feel that I had any worth, so why should I care whether I was alive or not? Both my parents felt and treated me as if I was nothing other than their property and therefore had no real worth in the real world. I was just something to be used, abused and thrown away when everything became too much for my parents to deal with. I carried that feeling over until a few years ago, and even now I have some issues with feeling worthy of being alive, let alone worthy of love. If my grandmother had not been there for me, honestly, I believe that I might have gone down the path of so many others before me and either became addicted to an illegal substance or actually might have succeeded in one of my many suicide attempts.
I do actually thank God every day for my Grandmother. If it hadn't been for her making sure that whenever my father couldn't afford to support us, we would have a place to stay and be able to eat every night, honestly I believe that our family may not have made it. She made sure that I was able to go to Christian school for two years, by paying the tuition for those two years. She also as paid for my school clothes and school supplies every year and whatever class trips needed to be paid for. She did not come from money, and was not wealthy in any way. She worked 12 hours a day in the office at a conservative local company and did everything in her power to make sure that I was reasonably well taken care of.
In order to share and raise your voice against Domestic Violence, please go to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The statistics below are from Darkness to Light
The statistics are shocking
* 1 in 4 girls is sexually abused before the age of 18. (96)
* 1 in 6 boys is sexually abused before the age of 18. (96)
* 1 in 5 children are solicited sexually while on the internet. (30, 87)
* Nearly 70% of all reported sexual assaults (including assaults on adults) occur to children ages 17 and under. (76)
* An estimated 39 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse exist in America today. (1)
Even within the walls of their own homes, children are at risk for sexual abuse
* 30-40% of victims are abused by a family member. (2, 44, 76)
* Another 50% are abused by someone outside of the family whom they know and trust.
* Approximately 40% are abused by older or larger children whom they know. (1, 44)
* Therefore, only 10% are abused by strangers.
Sexual abuse can occur at all ages, probably younger than you think
* The median age for reported abuse is 9 years old. (64)
* More than 20% of children are sexually abused before the age of 8. (76)
* Nearly 50% of all victims of forcible sodomy, sexual assault with an object, and forcible fondling are children under 12. (74, 76)
Most children don't tell even if they have been asked
* Evidence that a child has been sexually abused is not always obvious, and many children do not report that they have been abused.
* Over 30% of victims never disclose the experience to ANYONE.
* Young victims may not recognize their victimization as sexual abuse.
* Almost 80% initially deny abuse or are tentative in disclosing. Of those who do disclose, approximately 75% disclose accidentally. Additionally, of those who do disclose, more than 20% eventually recant even though the abuse occurred.
* Fabricated sexual abuse reports constitute only 1% to 4% of all reported cases. Of these reports, 75% are falsely reported by adults and 25% are reported by children. Children only fabricate ½% of the time.
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